Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm passing your future prison.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize