On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
