Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize