i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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