I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
