mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
