feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
