dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My liver is preforming stress tests.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
