her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I got inside last night via doggy door
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How does one acquire holy water?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
