he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
