i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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