Tell her she can't have a vagina
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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