I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
