tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
