Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
