'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
