Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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