Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
