sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
