You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
