Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
