Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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