Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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