I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize