Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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