I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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