My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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