I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
