that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
