My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You are the jesus of drinking
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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