vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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