Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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