it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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