used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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