Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You were trust falling into bushes
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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