Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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