I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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