i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
