Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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