Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
