don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
