Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
