She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
