you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize