i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
