Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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