Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
