ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
