That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You did what with his pubic hair?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
