I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
