The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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