Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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