is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
