I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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