I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
