I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
