Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
