I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize