I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
