He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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