Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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