but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
