I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
