hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
