I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
