The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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